“No, That is Wrong!” How to Disagree With Someone Professionally, Politely, and Powerfully?
It is easy to disagree, you just need to take a different position from your conversation partner and defend that position stubbornly. It is more difficult, however, to disagree with panache! In our past articles, we have covered extensively on the techniques you can use if you ever find yourself in an argument or persuasion scenario. However, one of the more challenging facets of our day-to-day communication settings is when you must take a different position from your conversation partner.
For most of us who detest having to deal with conflicts, a disagreement scenario may be the stuff of nightmares. Cue the awkward pauses, hedging language (“I am not trying to make you angry …”), and high-strung tension. Assuming that you are disagreeing based on reasoned grounds (and not just for the sake of it!), there is merit in ensuring that you (and your conversation partner) have a professional, safe, and constructive space to develop your shared ideas. In fact, we believe that a professional disagreement space between communication parties may result in more effective and precise ideas!
How then can we take advantage of this potential? We will share three tips on how you can create that constructive space with your conversation partner!
Tip #1: Acknowledge, Anticipate, Await
The first step in setting up this space is to acknowledge and appreciate that disagreements can be productive. We may be tempted to recoil from the prospect of a disagreement, thinking that your ideas are best preserved without any challenge. Instead, disagreements are useful tools to help you identify blind-spots or perspectives that you may have missed. In the same vein, when disagreeing with someone, ensure that you acknowledge the significance of the initial view that they had. This can be as simple as an “I understand where you are coming from because …”.
Next, anticipate the possible responses your counterpart may have in the disagreement. This requires you to listen carefully to the focus or interest of the other party. This does not mean you are simply waiting for your chance to strike. Instead, ensure that you are disagreeing with the exact point (and not the point you thought the other party had!). Finally, wait for an opportune time to raise your disagreement. We have all been in that situation before where your disagreement is so intense that you just had to interrupt the other party. Try to bide your time and not waste your rebuttal by raising your disagreement at a point when the other party is willing to listen.
Tip #2: Don’t Be a Bully!
It goes without saying that a safe, constructive space will not happen if you see a disagreement (or even an argument) as a boxing ring. Even if you have a perceived upper hand, it is more fruitful to reframe the context into a conversation or discussion instead of going in ‘for the kill’. Often, the tension from having a ‘winner’ and ‘loser’ in a disagreement distracts both conversation parties from the core issue.
Instead, try modifying your body language elements to help you along in such communication settings. For example, adopt more open, welcoming hand gestures as opposed to a defensive, closed gesture (e.g. crossing of hands). Make a concerted attempt to lower both the speed and volume of your voice. Move from an energetic, turbulent vocal quality, to one that is calm, measured and focused on unpacking the main points in the discussion.
Tip #3: Keep the Discussion Door Open
Finally, leave space for both sides to continue to disagree or raise opposing viewpoints. A safe, constructive disagreement space is one where parties are given the option to continue to raise their points without fear of judgement. Encourage this by tossing the ball back to your counterpart’s court and inviting them to share their new perspectives (e.g. “What are your thoughts on this?”).
Remember that you are not trying to change your counterpart’s mind (and you are unlikely to succeed in just one conversation!). Instead, a constructive disagreement space allows both sides to refine their respective positions, and possibly even reach a compromise! On that note, it is not necessary to ‘give up’ or ‘lose’ your position to keep the discussion door open. Continue to defend your position, albeit professionally, tactfully, and persuasively!
Final Thought:
Disagree Wisely!
All things said we know that disagreements remain an uncomfortable process. However, much of the elements that create this discomfort are within both communication parties’ control. Whether it is your understanding of the counter-position or a change in your body language, the tips above will help you to initiate a safe space for you and your conversation partner to disagree!
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